Your long-term relationship with that guy just ended. It was a horrible experience and you are so glad to be out of there! On to the next one................ but wait! Read this first!
To minimize the risk of landing back into an unhealthy relationship, make sure you do these 3 things:
- Feel it! Go through all the emotions. You know, the anger and the crying and the self-doubting. Do it all. The break up is often compared to losing a loved one through death. There is a healthy process that one must go through in order to heal. So, go ahead and feel everything you feel.
- Take ownership! What was YOUR part in the breakdown? How did YOU contribute to the falling apart of what was suppose to be a "match made in heaven"? Write it down. Got half a page? Keep writing. And write some more. At the end, you should have 2...maybe 3 full pages (and no, not double or triple spaced!) of how your actions, or lack of action, played a part in the breakup. This step is crucial. Don't skip through it in one sitting. This should be a lengthy process, perhaps taking 6 to 12 months or more to complete. Yes, I am serious!
- Find the pattern! This was likely NOT your first break up. And, it is very likely that there is a pattern between this last one and the one before that, and the one before that. What type of person do you seem to be attracted to? And why? What is it about YOU that attracts YOU to this type of relationship? What are your expectations? Your dreams? And why is it that you have always sacraficed your expectations and dreams in order to feel love? If you don't figure out this step, it is very likely that you will end up back in the same situation, just with a different guy.
These 3 steps are healthy and proactive way to heal your wounds and get yourself back up, all dusted off, and ready to take on a more rewarding relationship. These are 3 important steps. Don't overlook it. Don't think you are an exception. Give yourself the time and space to move through these 3 healthy self-care steps. I mean, 3 years after a break up is a healthy chunk of time to do the individual work for a happier, healthier you.
Need help? Give me a shout. I enjoy working with couples with their relationships, marriages and post-relationships.