I am excited to announce our new office location! And I think clients will appreciate the new space too!
Though I have enjoyed my time on Pearl Street, it was time to move. My new space has more parking, wider streets, easy access to main roads and bus routes, waiting room, self-signin and is located within a multi-disciplinary building.
The address of 848 Fennell Avenue East, up on the East Hamilton Mountain. I am inside the Pathway to Healthy and Wealthy Living building, corner of Fennell and East 32nd Street. Here you will find several options to improve your health and wealth. Who doesn't need that?! Services include massages, energy work, speech therapy, social work, homeopathic services, mortgages, lending and financial planning. And of course, myself, relationship counselling. (to learn more about the services offered here at Pathway to Healthy and Wealthy Living, click here.....)
If you are thinking about making an appointment for counselling, there are many options. You can call me, text me, email me or you can book yourself in by using the online calendar. When you arrive to the office you will find on-site parking and street parking. Just watch the signs for street parking, they alternate which side of the road you can park on. Read carefully - it's pretty confusing! Walk in through the main doors at the front. When you enter, you will see a self signin i-pad on the left. Kindly sign yourself in and have a seat. When I am ready, I will come down to meet you.
Your Inner SOULutions provides affordable and professional counselling to individuals and couples who are needing help in their relationships. Interactive and solution focused. Direct, no "lingo" approach.
Making changes in the way we communicate with our spouses or loved ones is hard. Really hard. In the heat of the moment, we tend to say anything to prove our point.
There are 2 words that we absolutely need to stop using today! Not tomorrow or not next week but eliminate it from our vocabulary starting right now. Using these 2 words will make those arguments even harder to resolve. And could just end up ruining your marriage.
So, what are the 2 words that I speak of? Here they are, and please take note of them: ALWAYS & NEVER.
"You ALWAYS say you are going to be on time, but you NEVER are!". Or, "You NEVER pick up your clothes off the floor!". Or how about this one, "You NEVER tell me I look pretty!"
How often do you use these 2 killer and totally useless words? Think back to your last argument. Did these words come up? I bet it did.
Using words like Always & Never, you are painting an entire wall with one stroke of the brush. Can you honestly say that "never" or "always" is 100% true? It may feel like that, but is it actually factual. By using always and never, you are overlooking the exceptions.
The natural response from a spouse when you use these 2 killer words is to be defensive. Up goes the wall. And you trying to get through that wall now is nearly impossble.
"You NEVER tell me I look pretty!", for example, brings in the entire history of the relationship in one quick sentence. It also takes away from how you feel right now. Today. At that very moment. You never tell me I look pretty, a natural response from the husband may be, "well, why start now!", shouting out of anger. A much more effective way of sharing how you feel and what you need could be something like "I would really like it if you told me sometimes that I look pretty. By you doing that, it makes me feel good and makes me feel like you actually find me attractive".
If ALWAYS and NEVER words are a significant part of your communication with your spouse, come and let's talk. We can practice on using effective communication and listening skills to improve your marriage. Until then, make note of it. Be aware of how often you use these 2 marriage killing words. You might be very surprised.
Having to sift through pages and pages of google listings to look for a counsellor or therapist in times of chaos, confusion, frustration, hurt and anxiety, is really tough. While the process in finding just the right counsellor is daunting, here are a couple of tips that will hopefully make the process just a bit easier for you. Here is what to look for: (in no particular order)
- Location -- fortunately we live in an area surrounded by small towns and cities. Getting from one place to another can be fairly easy, except during rush-hour. But whether the office is located on a major bus route can be a factor. Also, is it in a discreet location? Is there a lot of parking available or will you have to circle the block over and over to find one?
- Cost -- this is a significant part of the decision process. How much can you afford. I know, we all hear that there is no price tag on health, but there really is. Plan on attending therapy once a week for 3 months. What can you afford? What are you willing to not spend money on, in order to have the extra to pay for therapy? The costs for counselling varies significantly from next to nothing all the way to couple of hundred per hour. The rates do not equal quality. There are many factors that goes in to a therapist determining their rates.
- Life Experience -- a therapist once told me "I can't help you because I have no idea what it's like to be unhappy". I think the experience behind the therapist is crucial. Experience has a direct link to empathy. To understanding. Has the counsellor experienced life enough to know basically what you may be feeling?
- Education -- regardless of life experiences, education is necessary to help facilitate the counselling sessions. Is the counsellor trained in various therapy techniques, or do they just use one form of therapy that you must fit into?
- Gut Instinct -- I believe this is by far the most important aspect in choosing a therapist then any of the above. How do you feel when you read their website? Do they speak to you? Do you feel some sort of connection? If the price is cheap, location is perfect, life experience matches yours and they have been educated up the wing wang, it will be a useless and fruitless counselling experience if there is no strong client-therapist connection.
So, when you are searching for that therapist, connect with the website. Feel it. Read the "About Me" section. Read and Feel. If that passes, look at the location and rates. If that's good to go, get a feel for their education (especially education that is specific to helping you!).
As I sit here about an hour to go before ringing in the new year, I sense there are a lot of nervous guys out there looking at the clock, palms sweating, thinking about what is about to take place. At midnight we ring in the new year. For some, they are also ringing in a proposal to their girlfriends. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you! My love, will you marry me?!"
Over the next several months there will be a lot of preparation for the wedding day. The cake, the dress, the music and venue. Oh, the guest list. Stress, excitement, nerves, doubts. All of it is normal. But I wonder how much thought is put into the actual marriage. Personalities, communication, conflict resolution, individual and family goals, in-laws, finances, sexual intimacy, family planning. Oh the list goes on! How much time do couples really put into these conversations before their wedding?
Considering divorce rates are near 50%, and second marriages around 70%, it is imperitive that planning is at the forefront. Pre-marital counselling (a must in many US states!) will guide the couple through conversations that needs to happen. But not just conversations. Structure, tools, techniques and awareness of yourself and each other.
If you know someone who is getting married, do them a favor. Buy them a pre-marital counselling/planning package. It's personal, its useful and its affordable. In fact, it's cheaper than the wedding cake!