4 Things You May Not Know About Your Therapist
Have you ever left the therapist office wondering to yourself “what is he really like? Does he act like this at home in his own marriage? Does he go around analyzing everyone? Does he have friends?”. Let me share a little bit about me — things you may not know.
I am probably just like you! I am a husband who loves to laugh, make jokes, hates bills and can get into some pretty heated arguments and debates. I have my moments of being difficult, frustrated, feeling sorry for myself. I also have moments of being soft, empathetic and nurturing to my wife. This idea that therapists are these perfect beings who have perfect lives and perfect marriages and families is so off from factual. So what can you get from knowing this? Well, know that because I am probably just like you, I can understand your frustrations, arguments, debates. And I won’t judge you for it.
I need you to be you in session! Couples counselling is hard work. There is no concrete plan that I use with each couple. Sure, I have a bunch of exercises and techniques and strategies, but how do I know which one to introduce you to? I need you to be you. I need you to open up and I need you to share. I can’t change you. I can’t change your circumstances. And certainly can’t make your decisions. But the more I know about you, the more I can help you. You see, you need me just as much as I need you.
Sometimes we try too much! As a pro-marriage therapist, I sometimes find myself trying a little too much to save ones marriage. Sometimes I research things when I am off work. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about you and your circumstances. Sometimes I try to have all the answers. A recent discussion with Terrence Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy, taught me that it’s totally okay to say “you know what, I don’t know. Let me sit on that for a bit”.
I actually DO understand your marital issues! This part goes hand-in-hand with the first point about me being human. I have not had the perfect life, in fact, far from it. I know very well what pain feels like. And also hurt, resentments, frustration, negative surprises and everything else in between. When you show up on my office in tears, I know those tears. I may not know the specifics, not yet at least, but I know generally where those tears came from. Know that when you come to my office you are sitting with someone who gets you. Not because some text book in some theory class taught me how to get you, but because I actually do get you. My life has gone done very similar paths as many of my clients are on. So I do understand.
So if you ever come to my office, know that the guy sitting across from you may be just like you in many ways. He isn’t a stranger but rather a fellow traveler.
